Sometimes we need to take a beat and think about our thinking.
Because in leadership, most of the time, the thing getting in the way isn’t a skills gap or a strategy problem. It’s a story.
Specifically stories you’re telling yourself. These quiet internal narratives running in the background can play a big role in shaping our decisions, conversations, and can hold you back or push you forward.
In this episode, I walk through a tool I love (a gem from Peter Axelson) that helps you identify the stories driving your behavior and replace them with ones that will help drive you forward.
“If we want better results, we have to examine the stories and assumptions driving our behavior. Essentially, we have to think about how we’re thinking.”
THE 3 TYPES OF STORIES WE TELL OURSELVES
Stories tend to fall into three categories and each one can shapes how you lead:
STORIES ABOUT YOURSELF
“I’m not senior enough to share what I really think.”
→ Behavior: You hold back. You don’t speak up.
Result: You miss opportunities to build credibility and influence.
STORIES ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE
“My colleague is difficult to work with.”
→ Behavior: You avoid them. You stop engaging.
Result: Collaboration breaks down. Business results suffer.
STORIES ABOUT THE WAY THINGS ARE
“This is how it’s always been done here.”
→ Behavior: You don’t suggest alternatives or challenge old approaches.
Result: New ideas don’t even enter the room. Innovation doesn’t happen.
HOW TO START SHIFTING YOUR STORY
1 Ask: What results am I not getting or what is something I want to change?
2 Move one step back: What behaviors might be contributing to those results?
3 Go deeper: What stories or assumptions are driving those behaviors?
4 Ask yourself: What’s an alternative story I could try on instead?
The key word here is curiosity.
Approach this work as a journey of discovery. What’s driving this behavior? What else might be true?
Some of these stories are deeply rooted, reinforced over years, and in many cases have actually contributed to your success. Which makes them even harder to question. This isn’t a one-and-done process. It’s two steps forward, one step back. But it is some of the most powerful work you can do as a leader.
Because when you change your story, everything else has the potential to change too.
If this resonated, forward it to a leader in your life who might be stuck in an old story right now.
LISTEN TO THE FULL EPISODE
Catch the full breakdown — including what happens when we tell stories about other people — wherever you get your podcasts.
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💬 Questions or reflections? Reach out directly
🌐 winniedasilva.com
Next up…
Episode 9: Intentional Leadership is Adaptive Leadership
I work with leaders who are serious about growth and who want to see real personal, professional, and business results. If you’re ready to take your leadership to the next level or empower your teams for success, I’m here to help.
Reach out to me directly at winnie@winnifred.org or check out my website at www.winniedasilva.com to learn more about my work in coaching executives, developing critical leadership skills, and working with clients to build effective team. In addition to finding me here on Substack, you can also find me on LinkedIn and YouTube.
